Posts tagged Adam
Happy birthday to my favorite little nuisance in the world.
Love you lots, Adam. Even when I hang you upside down by your toes and say I’m gonna let go. Or lock you outside in nothing but your underwear. Or tell you mom’s never going to come home.
Damn, I do some really terrible things to you.
But I also spoil the excessive amounts of sucrose out of you. So. It all works out in the end.
- Me: Do you want anything from outside?
- Adam: Yeah, buy me a lottery ticket.
DYING
My best friend Shoeb’s text tone is Area Codes by Ludacris and Nate Dogg. The line where Luda says, “I’ve got hoes.” Because he’s got hoes. Anyway, I was texting him, and Adam (my eight year old precocious brother, for those of you who are unfamiliar) heard it and started repeating it.
Me: DON’T SAY THAT.
Adam: What? I’ve got holes?
Me: Hoes. Don’t say that.
Adam: Hoes? What’s wrong with that?
Me: It’s a demeaning and vulgar word. Short for whore.
Adam: OHHHH like in that song, “Don’t trust a…never trust a…won’t trust a…”
Me: YES, LIKE IN THAT SONG, now stop saying it.
Adam: So does that mean Santa Claus goes around calling kids hoes?
- Mom: Your mom is your best friend, right?
- Adam: No, I mean. Maybe one of my friends. That exist in the three dimensional world.
My brother fell asleep in my mother’s room, so I went to pick him up and tuck him into his own bed.
When I had him on my shoulder I noticed he wasn’t completely knocked out.
I asked him if I should drop him.
The next 200 feet were HYSTERICAL.
- Rashad: Threatened to set Adam's pillow pet on fire.
- Daniel: Why?
- Rashad: He was being a bitch ass nigga, that's why. He was all like "Fine, take it." To which I responded, "Oh shit, your balls done dropped homie? I'm gonna torch this dolphin ass bitch."
Santa Claus Swag
- Rashad: I'm gonna make sure you're shaving before high school.
- Adam: Aww, I always wanted a beard.
- Rashad: Girls don't like them.
- Adam: Santa Claus has one!
Expensive Taste?
- Mom: I know Adam's going to take care of me when he's older. I'm not too sure about you though. I expect your wife's going to be blowing it all on 5th Ave.
- Me: At least you know I'm going to be filthy rich.
LMFAO my little brother was hanging out in my room, which he seldom does, and we were talking about biology and piano. Our mother walked by within plain sight of him because my door was open, and all of a sudden he ran and hid behind one of my walls.
Apparently he was supposed to be in bed 30 minutes ago and used me to stay up late.
What happens when you give your little brother access to your Netflix account…
No Ethnocentrism In This Household
- Adam: English is the only language that's normal.
- Rashad: That's a very ethnocentric thing to say, Adam.
- Adam: Oh. I'm sorry to all the other languages.
Perks of Having a Big Brother:
Whenever some imbecilic little douchebag screws with you, your older brother can pick you up from school and scare the living shit out of him the next day.
MY BROTHER IS TOO MUCH
- His Teacher: So, class, do any of you know when Three Kings Day is?
- His Classmates: ...
- His Teacher: That's fine, it's-
- Adam: It's on January 6th. This Friday.
- His Teacher: Wow. That's very good Adam, how did you know that?
- Adam: Baby Jesus told me.
I was trying to get a picture of him in front of the tree when he decided he wanted to record this instead. I got him a bunch of other things from Toys R Us, but when he heard the encyclopedia was from Shakey’s he decided he wanted to advertise for them on my blog LOL. Merry Christmas from Adam and I.
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